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| The title just about sums up my feelings right now. Time for the... drumroll please.... FAIRY OF BACKSTORY!!! Let's find out what's bugging me now. Start off: Family. What the hell is it to you? The people who gave birth to you? Or those who actually care? I think it's the second one. Meaning I'm related to a whopping 6 people in my family. Wow. The rest could care less if I died. A few years ago, I was seriously suicidal. Did they notice? Hell no. They focused on the spore (calls himself my brother) and his "problems" that were obviously manufactured in China and shipped over by FedEx so that he could get some attention. Obviously, though, I'm not dead just yet. Almost was yesterday via attempt to jump off of our roof. Thank the gods (whoever you believe in) for my music telling me not to. After that, I found that liquid eyeliner can also double as the "angry pen". I have a letter written in that medium. Secondly: People who call themselves my "friends". Some are, a lot aren't. I've covered this topic, so let's just say this. If you're one of those people who I've been cold to, or in your words, "rude to", it's because I feel that you're using me for answers. I don't like it. Third: No choices. I feel trapped. I want to die, but am too cowardly to deal the final blow. Well, angsty teen ranting over. I know anybody who takes the time to read this only wants the gossip. In the spirit of angsty, bratty teenness- L8r, l00z3rz. | | |
| Prelude... I say it for a reason. The beginning hasn't really started yet. But it will soon.
I mean this as the end of some areas. Leaving my level of schooling, leaving behind quite a few "friends" who have proven that they only care about what others think about them, the possible loss of my grandmother.... I don't like this. I am one of those who fears change. I wish things would just stop when I am at the peak of happiness and stay like that forever. That we never leave and never grow older (Ooooold). But it will never happen. The peak of my happiness won't come until I'm long gone from where I am now and have left behind all but the closest people. I don't even want to think anymore....
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| Ugh.... friendships really suck. Now I know why I had none as a little kid. I was smart then. Less hassle. See, nobody's really helping it, except one person. Some others have excuses, because I don't see them daily being the main one. But it doesn't help that they don't know when to stop. Like, when I develop feelings in a conversation. Freakin' reality check: I have feelings too!!!! I just write them, instead of being a fucking drama queen and crying in the cafe.  So, when I do show any form of anger, sorrow, etc... they think it's directed at them singularly. My favorite is, "Why is everybody so angry at me?!" "I'm not angry." "You will be angry at me. God! EVERYONE gets angry at me!" As if I missed the fucking memo. But they think they're making fun when their not. IT HURTS OK????!!!!! And then, they call these fucking "friendship interventions" and are all like, "OH, __insertnamehere___ I still love you, but you_____________" as if mentioning the name and exact problem in front of about 10 or so others is going to help. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. But here's the icing on the cake. They say stuff like don't take it personally, you're just being rude, it hurts when you talk about me, etc... and they do it themselves. It's just fucking ridiculous. So I think I'm about ready to give up some people. Release them from the company. I've done it once this year. They've all seen it. | | |
| http://www.ifilm.com/video/2820756/channel/viralvideo
and condilicious
http://www.thisjustin.com/category/the-message/ | | |
| IF I HAD A HEART..... sorry. good song. Do you ever have one of those days, after you've had a bad one, where everything seems to be going just right? No.... good neither have I. Today was, in a shortened word, O.K. Notice that O.K. is K.O. backwards. So it was a backwards defeat. If that makes any sense... which it does to me. So, I got all my work that I missed yesterday done in one day (yay), but I still have to write a paper (no yay). Ick. At least a whole week from hell is over. Papers, way to much work, people hating me. ALL OVER NOW.... NO MORE PANIC ATTACKS!!!!! SUPER YAY!
God, all today I felt like writing. Not a good idea to be in maths class and have the urge to work on that story that's never going to be finished. All those poor characters just sitting there, begging me to write.... waiting to ambush me in a dark alley and chain me to a desk so that I will write..... oh crap. Well, either way my career in writing is doomed. Standardized testing is coming up (once again, no yay) so we spend a lot of time on that and a we have to write a research paper. I miss the days of the original faery tales that we wrote..... L8r
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